Riding The Wave – Multiple Myeloma

Hudson, Betty 'Colson', Montana

“But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.” – Thomas Jefferson

My friend ‘Colson’ is near and dear to me and has been by my side raising my children since I was pregnant with Hudson 25 years ago. I had moved us from our townhouse in Germantown to an apartment in Silver Spring. Colson lived up above me in the back. She is college educated in social work, but was raising her three children and doing daycare while they were at school. I first saw her walking the children to the little park across the street. They were all lined up behind her holding hands in twos and threes, perfectly mannered, giggling and smiling. Day after day, these well mannered children would be minding ‘Colson’. Sometimes I would find her sitting on the stairs out back and the children playing on the grassy hill with her having conversations with them as they ran around and giggled. We became apartment acquaintances, chatting as we were coming and going and I really liked her.

Eventually I asked her if she would be willing to watch Hudson for me (another story) and she agreed. From that moment on she became an integral part of our family and one of my best friends. After a couple of weeks of watching Hudson she called to tell me she didn’t think she could watch him anymore because everywhere she went ‘people’ were putting their grimy hands on him. Strangers in the market and so on. She was quite animated about it. After my heart started beating again, I laughed and said, “I’ll take care of it.” The next morning Hudson arrived with a sign I calligraphed on a black placard with white lettering and a satin ribbon to hold it around his neck. It said,

“DO NOT, Kiss, hug, touch, whatever!”

Colson, we learned, was a germaphobe and she just hated strange people manhandling “her children!” The kids would tell me stories about her making a call from a pay phone that can still put me on the floor in hysterics. Napkins on her hands, napkins on the mouth piece, holding it far out from her while she speaks. She’s a crack up. Anyway, she loved the sign and she made Hudson wear it where ever he traveled with her and people became enamored with the sign and kept their “paws” off him. She was satisfied. Years later when Montana arrived, the sign was hung around her neck. Colson still has it.

I tell people she raised my children. She demurs and says she is “just the Nanny”. She is so much more to all of us. I can still tell when my children are conversing with her on the phone – “Yes, Ms. Colson. No, Ms. Colson, Yes Ma’m. No Ma’m.” Always respectful. Everyone should have a ‘Betty Colson’ helping to raise their children whether you are working or not.

For me, she became my confidante, my friend, my partner in crime advocating for children in the public school system. She was an Education Advocate for the NAACP and slowly but surely as she learned of my activities in these areas she pulled me in with her and we were a team for almost a decade.

Every emergency in our lives, she was called and stepped up to help. Every accomplishment or important event in our lives, she was there. She has always, and continues to be there for me and/or my family, to this day. I think we talk about 2-3 times a week even now.

Her youngest son, used to come and visit me in my office at the University while he was studying there. At one point he was having trouble getting his grade from a professor he had taken a summer class with. I knew this professor, he was “challenging” and I didn’t have a lot of respect for him. After Chad made several attempts, I marched down to the Director of Student Affairs and learned this professor was a “problem” on these sort of administrative issues. So I marched over to the Chairman’s office and gave him a piece of my mind about this professor and his failure after 6 months to give Chad his grade. Chad got his grade within two weeks after my intervention and I got an apology from the professor, which certainly should have been given to Chad and not me. I don’t think it was racist on the professor’s part, but it was insensitive. I understood for the first time in a very real way, how it would be that a minority citizen would wonder if it was because of their race, when nothing else made any sense. Even though this professor is known to do this to others, you don’t know that, it can be quite introverting. The Chairman and Director were very respectful of my concerns and intervened and I was grateful.

Ok, so the wedding… Her son Larence, who works for Homeland Security in the DC offices, Quantico, and now the Federal Reserve, after attending UNC was finally getting married. I was getting a bit worried. He learned that I would be in Maryland for Montana’s graduation and his wedding was the following day. He called me and asked me if I would come. I told him I was going to crash it if I didn’t get an invitation. We laughed. So we all went. As I was looking at the little program in the church I recognized the names of some of the ushers. Shocked I looked up trying to pick them out of the line up. Grown men in their 30’s that I remember as teenagers and had not seen in a million years. After the services and at the reception cocktail hour I walked up to those boys and their eyes grew wide, “Well! Don’t you clean up well!”and we had a quite a time as I told their new friends stories about them! They are all professionals now with wives and young children. I had so much fun seeing them all.

Colson’s daughter has just completed her PhD and I met her husband, a Professor. He told me that is was so wonderful to meet “The Puente’s” finally, at last. He has heard so much about us. They are in Washington State and moving to California where he will teach at Cal Poly. They will be staying with me on their way down. I can’t wait.

As you can imagine, it was pretty much an African American affair. Colson and I have had years of educating one another about racial issues in America today. She’s from the south, there is still pain there. I was raised by grandparents who left the south, there was pain for them too. So we were always able to learn from one another. A few times she has come into my world and well meaning friends have questioned her presence. Not knowing she was a friend of mine, she was always gracious, it was always handled. At the wedding, I went out of the hall area and came back in, someone in her crowd came up to me as I re-entered and ‘questioned my presence’ there. I smiled and said, “Oh yes, I am most certainly in the right place.” Not only was I in the right place but Larence had put me at the family table of the groom. A place of honor for a guest and certainly unexpected. I couldn’t wait to call Colson the next day and tell her “See it happens to me too!” We laughed and laughed and laughed, but she reminded me, it happens more to her. I conceded.

I have been to many weddings and I imagine in a few years I will be going to a lot more as my children’s friends start getting married. But this one was very special to me. Our families have been through a lot together and I was so happy to see Larence finally finding someone to live his life with. Someone worthy of him and all his integrity.

Colson, always with the children

Finally, I must say, and you will appreciate this. They love me dearly, all those ‘kids’, but when they saw Dave coming up behind me as we arrived, it was all they could do to hug me and push me aside to get to “Mr. Puente”. They had not seen him in a long time and not since his cancer. As I walked on I heard Larence say, “Mr. Puente, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU SIR!”

I get annoyed with posed pictures so my son took the ‘candids’ I prefer, being sarcastic in his efforts. He enjoyed taking them. They aren’t flattering of course, but funny!

Tags: friends, Wedding