Clematis at my house in Maryland
“Each person’s life is lived as a series of conversations.” – Deborah Tannen
Well, while I’m waiting for my friends to send me the photos from our trip out to a small Alpaca farm for a day of sheering… I thought I would dialog a bit about how the last several days I find myself talking a lot with cancer patients.
When I started this blog, I had a twofold, maybe threefold purpose. Selfish first: For my own healing. Then I wanted desperately to find a way to reach out and help others newly on this path in a way that would help them to breathe and make better decisions. Be better patients and caregivers, children and parents, friends and co-workers. But the third reason was that I felt it would be efficient and practical. I like efficiency and all things practical. I’m seldom frivolous, though sometimes I allow it as it has it’s own place in our lives and if it brings joy, I’m all for it.
One thing I didn’t want to become was a “Myeloma Guru”. I didn’t want Myeloma or Cancer to be the center of my life or my purpose. My blog was a way for me to give back, which I certainly have an innate urge to do. But allowed me to do it in a way I was comfortable with. The amount of time spent, the topics, etc. It has been all that and more.
Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand…
“A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.” – Tuman Capote
Recently I have enjoyed some wonderful, in-depth conversations with cancer patients. One is a breast cancer patient currently undergoing treatment. She is a horsewoman and lives on a small ranch. She comes into our local yarn shop and hangs out with us. She and I have enjoyed getting to know one another and we delve into all manner of topics on the subject. Life, disease, attitude, spirituality. Her goals (to get back to riding), her next treatment options and reconstructive surgery. How she is feeling and adapting with her chemotherapy, side effects, fatigue, self advocating, etc. She is beautiful and delightful to chit chat about such things.
“All serious conversations gravitate towards philosophy.” – Ernest Dimnet
I have found of late that my comfort level in these discussions is probably a 10. And I actually enjoy it. I also know that there aren’t always a lot of people, certainly not casually, that a cancer patient/caregiver can talk to about this particular component in their life. I really love being able to listen and really be there for them to knock around out loud the stuff in their heads. It’s extremely fulfilling. But in all of that, no matter what the cancer, we end up talking about things that are deeply personal, spiritual and philosophical. It feeds my soul.
I also had a few hours and lunch with a Myeloma patient I met here locally from our FB support group. She is in her mid 50s, and alone (as in grown children live far away) and going to begin her SCT this week. When we met originally with some others in our area, we all jumped on board to offer whatever help and assistance we could for her to get through this with support. I introduced her to another MM patient and his wife and they too have jumped on board to offer assistance. Anyway, my very small role will be to take two of her three felines for a couple of months. Both while she’s away and also until her immune system recovers and reasonable precautions can be utilized so she can have them back. She’s in a really good place and I’m confident she will get through this with flying colors.
So somehow, my connection to all of you has moved way beyond an occasional post here and there. I have done some webcam video tips, and am working on a panel discussion that will go to an online health TV channel with some other giants in the Myeloma community talking about the disease, treatment, etc. Once in a while a reach for me to speak, etc. And you know what, I love it all. It somehow just fits perfectly into my life and I don’t feel like it’s consuming me or pushing me in a particular direction. Of course, each new person I meet becomes very dear to me, enriches my life, and often teaches me such important lessons.
Thank you Shelley. I’m very happy you started a blog. It helps those out there to find someone they can connect with. English wasn’t my favorite either and my writing has grown with practice though I’m sure grammatically it would be ripped to shreds, and I tend to drone on and on. But I enjoy it and it gets better.
Lori, it was your blog that inspired me to start writing my own blog. I really felt that I needed an outlet to share my feelings as a caregiver. And it has been very therapeutic for me to write the posts, even though I’m far from a writer. In school, English was my WORST subject! I gravitated towards math and science and ended up as a bookkeeper by profession. Writing esays was a very painful endeavor for me. And yet I find the words seem to come pretty easily for me now. Maybe it’s because I’m sharing what’s going on inside of me. They say that the best books are based on life experiences.
I’m just thankful that there are people like you that have made it their mission to help the new residents of Myelomaville like me. You’ve been a Godsend. Thanks so much!