“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We caregivers are often asked and reminded about taking care of ourselves as we are running on high octane caring for our loved one in more dire straights than ourselves.
As mothers, we often forget to take good care of ourselves as we are caring for the family. Everyone else gets to the doctor or the dentist or some exercise and often we don’t have time to do it for ourselves. It is important, of course, but we will often forgo for the rest of our family first.
Shortly before Dave left for California my dentist in a routine cleaning did one of those, “emmmm” as he was poking around. “Lori, you have a little pocket back here. You should go see Dr. Chen and have him take a look.” Yeah, sure, I’ll do that. Had every intention of doing that. I’m not a fearful dental patient. I have great teeth and few unpleasant episodes thus far. But before you knew it, months had passed, Dave was diagnosed with Myeloma and I was was leaving months before our planned timeframe, and everything, and I mean everything, unrelated to Dave’s health simply was not on my radar, in my mind, or of any concern to me. After a couple of years dealing with all of that, I finally got to a dentist here in California. My ‘little’ pocket and bone loss was now a bit more pressing. Cough, cough!
Anyway, when Dave started to ask me “why didn’t you…” I gave him THE LOOK, and he stopped. “Yeah BUSTER, don’t even start in on me, or cancer will be the LEAST of your worries.” His eyes warmed and he hugged me. “Ok, ok. Just get it taken care of OK?” Our cancer healthcare coverage is way better than our dental coverage! So the dentist office gal and I cooked up a plan to maximize my coverage.” We’ll do half your mouth in 2010 and the other half in 2011.” That’ll help.
In the mix of things, I have baby teeth. Funny right? Well my Dad had two on the top on either side of his four front teeth. I have the matching set on the bottom. About 12 years ago I lost one of them when the dentist was poking around, he said it had to go. I was unprepared. I remember laughing at myself for crying about it. It was a silly little loss, but a loss none the less. The dentist I had in my early 20’s was sure they were ready to come out then and after x-rays came into tell me I would have them a good long while. I was proud of them. A little quirky trivia about me. I had baby teeth! He used to call them “the kids”. haha
So as this new round of things going on in my otherwise perfect teeth (no cavities, root canals or such things), I said to the dentist this morning before he started making my face feel like a basketball, “Now remember, I have a baby tooth. I’d like to keep it, so be gentle around it please. If I can’t, so be it, I’ve prepared myself.” He chuckled and promised. As he was grinding, scraping, drilling and cutting he said, “Lori… your baby tooth is quite amazing. You’re more likely to lose a permanent tooth before this guy comes out!” It’s hard to smile with people’s hands in your mouth and when half of your face feels like it isn’t there anymore. So I gave two thumbs up as I was leaning back in the chair. Woohoo!
So I know I give all kinds of advice and share the advice of other great caregivers. Lest you think I’m perfect, let me assure you, I am not. I often say, I’m “doin’ the best I can.” I just keep doing the best I can and very often it is more than enough and sometimes it is sorely lacking. As long as I’m making progress though, I will take it as a success.
Hang in. Do what you can. Do your best for yourself. I understand, really I do, when it seems like you are letting yourself fall apart and not taking care of yourself the way you should. But each morning when you get up, just try to do what you can to care for yourself a little bit, in the midst of your loved one’s crisis. Whatever you can do, whatever you need to do, just tackle what you can handle. The rest will be there when you are ready and you will get to it. But do remember to get to it. 🙂
So my Novocain is wearing thin, but my percocet is kicking in. I’m not much of a drug person, but when I do, percocet happens to be my “drug of choice”. When they were going to prescribe vicodin, I said, “Actually, I do better with percocet.” After I hung up, I thought, I wonder if they think I’m a drug addict, “I do better with percocet!” Good grief!
Oh, and it is confirmed I am of Irish decent. The dentist asked me, as he was carrying on in my mouth, “Do you have Irish in you?” I responded “uh huh.” He said, “Well you have extra bone mass in the upper right quadrant which is only in folks of Irish decent.” Then a conversation ensued between he and his assistant about some research study on this fact. What a crack up! I mean my family has been America since before the American Revolution and I have extra bone mass from Irish immigrants from way back then! TOO COOL! And I was also wearing green today. I will celebrate St. Patty’s Day this year with a whole new perspective!
