“I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” – Marsha Doble
I thought you might like an update on Dave’s progress.
As the week wore on heading to his first day, his confidence began to wane. My little humorous quips were met with distress and annoyance. I toned it down as I could see he had some emotional difficulties going on. When he finally said to me that he couldn’t afford to get hurt or be so fatigued that he couldn’t do his job. I sighed and said, “Of course. You need to tell Luis of your concerns Dave. It’s important that you tell him.” He did and Luis completely understood and worked him accordingly. When I went to pick him up he was balancing himself as he was doing a lunge. Something he and I used to do without a thought had become one where much concentration was needed.
His second trip he worked his upper body and told me that when he was taking a break he couldn’t lift his water bottle to his mouth. I said, “Wait, were you lifting one of Luis’ five gallon jugs?” He said, “NO! MY LITTLE WATER BOTTLE!” I started to laugh, he started to laugh, and he said, Luis was cracking up too.
He went to get a gallon jug of water from the top shelf of our pantry to put in the cupboard (his daily stash that he drinks). I heard him as I walked by, with a smile on his face he said, “Lori. I can’t reach up and get the water.” I stopped and put on my best Luis imitation, smiling I said, “Sure you can. Position your body properly, your feet, square off, now reach!” He did and was able to reach up, get it, and safely bring it down off the shelf.
When I went to my work out the following morning Luis said, “LORI! Dave was ‘Yukkin it up’ here yesterday!” I said, “NO WAY! Dave doesn’t ‘Yuk it up!'” Luis said “Well he was and it was hilarious. Dave also said, ‘Luis, I can do this.'” I turned to my work out partner Holly and said, “OK, now I’m going to cry.”
After the third work out, Luis texted me and said, “Ask Dave about Mr. Sandbag!” I’m thinking it was one of Luis’ weird movement exercises. I’ve done a lot of step ups on Luis’ homemade boxes with a 20 pound bag of sand around my neck that he made. So I asked Dave. He was at the sink rinsing a dish and I saw his profile split into the most spontaneous and beautiful broad smile that I have not seen in a very, very long time. He chuckled and said Luis had accused him of “sandbagging him,” – that Dave was a lot stronger than he was letting on and holding back. My eyes got big and I said, “Oh Boy! He’ll be gunning for you now!” We laughed.
So Dave is still going 2x a week. He hasn’t been doing his homework in between, but it’s OK. He is doing more than he was, he’s motivated, and the rest will come, bit by bit. The “graph” is moving in an upward trend and so encouragement and kudos is the order of the day.
I’m back on my roller blades after many years of not feeling strong enough to maintain good balance. I used to skate about 7-10 miles a day, up and down reasonable inclines. It was something I always wished would just go on and on and always disappointed when I was done. It’s fun. The speed and reminder of snow skiing always brought a smile to my face. But aside from leg strength you need a good strong core so that if you lose your balance you can quickly bring yourself back to center. In doing that, you can wrench your back and I had had a back issue that took me off my skates, though it was unrelated to skating. So it was a pretty big win for me to get back on the skates, stably, comfortably and enjoyably. I had gotten into skating since I didn’t want to run anymore. It’s less pounding on my joints and I must admit, way more fun. Anyway, I started out small, just from the house to the little park and around once and back. The first time I went out I told Dave, “I’m not taking my phone, going to the park, if you don’t see me in 30 minutes would you come look for me?” When I got back he said, “Oh! I was just going to come look for you!” Yeah right! Stinker. Now I’m up to 2 miles, 20 minutes. Taking it slow and setting small targets to attain.
Dave would like to go to Sequoia National Park this fall, stay a couple of days and go hiking. So this is now his goal. His reason to work out. I think it’s a great goal and I really can’t wait.
TRX workout apparatus in the new Gym. Luis is going to be a training center for TRX. This will be part of the bootcamps. These straps come in a little bag if you want them yourself and hook over your door. It was developed for Navy Seals to train while on missions no matter where they were.
Luis approached to rent Dave some space in his new gym for a baseball pitching academy. Dave was a pitching coach back east, for fun. He was incredibly committed and very knowledgeable. Spending hours studying from one of the best coaches in the country. He set up filming for his students in our basement. Every kid he coached got on the team they wanted, no matter what their age. One kid did a walk on at a Div I college and made the team as a starting pitcher. Dave was very good. He has had several people here approach him and I would see that little spark in his eye and then it would snuff out. He just wasn’t moving on it. Too much effort I guess. So now it’s back on the burner and Dave confessed he just didn’t know if he would have the stamina. I suggested he only take enough students to cover the rent initially. And then we are hoping we can get our son involved when Dave needs to travel. We’ll see. When I shared the news with our daughter she was SCREAMING on the phone with excitement. I realized that for her it was a “DAD’s BACK!!!!” sort of moment. I’ll keep you posted on that. It would really be something. But as I mentioned in the past, we don’t have to take ALL of our life back after this experience. Dave isn’t sure and I understand his hesitation about the commitment. But I hope he does and will support him. I know from past experiences, he is very fulfilled when a young pitcher realizes his dream.
“Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing.” – Warren Spahn
As much as it used to annoy me that my basement was a makeshift pitching academy. I loved the kids and hearing about their successes playing a game they loved, for however long they loved it. Some of these kids are just now getting to college and they are indeed pitching for their school. Dave and I both feel a sense of pride. This was something he really used to enjoy and he was really good at it. Our son was able to throw pitches on a two by four, with is eyes closed, and not only throw strikes, repeatedly, but place the ball where he wanted and know he had done it. Sort of like calling the pocket in a pool game, only their eyes were closed. Dave would confirm the location. Mechanics is the key to pitching. Not speed, not size. It’s controlling the ball, using your head, and doing it in a way that you are balanced and not increasing the chances for injury. When he and Luis met they had a lot in common on understanding movement, being an athlete, proper mechanics, and preventing injury. So my postulate is that he will do it and he will enjoy it and kids will be flocking to him, and that our son will help. But in the end, it will be Dave’s decision and I will support him, whatever he chooses.
Angie you are so right. Luis is like an angel who was destined to cross our path! A very special being.
You know….you always inspire me with your words….but today what moves me is Luis. He cares enough to encourage Dave by giving him that space. My heart is smiling. Mike also loves baseball and was constantly working with the kids. I can imagine nothing better to help heal Dave’s heart!!!!! So proud of both of you and God bless Luis!
Hi Jeff, Congratulations that you are still working! Dave seemed to be one of the few so I’m glad to hear that you are as well. He too had a very hard time being so energy fatigued after working more than a 40 hour work week, though he was generally sitting in an office. Having our trainer come into our life has made a big difference. He is knowledgeable and Dave has gained much needed trust in him to do this. I can only tell you that this week, his 3rd, he has been a lot more energetic and if I didn’t know better I would think he was back on the Dex! It’s too early to say for certain, but the prevailing view amongst my medico friends is that it will help with both. I have put your question over to the FB Myeloma Group in the hopes they will come over here and respond to you with their experiences on exercising and it’s benefits, or not. I hope they do.
I was diagnosed in 2010 at stage 3 but fortunately without kidney or bone involvement. I just recently started hip pain so will start on Zometa. I am still working 12-14 hours a day with a lot of that time on my feet. I have been trying to get motivated to exercise for a long time in hopes of increasing my energy level. I have a great bike, new roller blades, and a pool so no real excuse other than pure exhaustion at the end of the day. My question is for those that do exercise, has it helped the energy level your mental outlook?
Thank you for commenting Lucille. I envy you that your husband has continued a physical regimen! Good for him! I’m cognizant that we all manage what it is important to us a little differently and I found that it was important for me not to nag and distress Dave about it, but it then of course took it’s toll on me, with worry and frustration! So yes, our children grow up and become people who are wise (if we are lucky). My daughter’s view for me to just move forward and “quit waiting for Dad”, was excellent advice and I’m glad I took it. And she was right. It did inspire him and now he’s also working toward better fitness.
Hi Lori, my name is Lucille DiBiase. My husband, Joe, has had mm since 2008. I would just like to say that Joe is very disciplined in his daily routine of working out which his doctors have encouraged him to do so. He walks in our neighborhood and the park and also rides his bike which I join in reluctantly because I am not one for exercise. Oue daughter, Stephanie, encourages us both to keep ourselves in shape so I have no choice but to do as I am told. Funny how our kids become the parents and we the children. I just want to add that I enjoy your site as a caregiver and it has helped me through some moments of uneasiness. Joe and I try our best to move on and live our lives which is the key–to live. Thank you. Pretygl10@aol.com
Kevin. I so understand! Even as a caregiver, first with my mother’s cancer and then with Dave’s, I too hold back from making long term commitments for fear I will have to drop everything with little warning to rush toward his care. We have both found ourselves holding back, but at the same time, being selective about what we bring back into our lives. I guess the silver lining in it is that we can even entertain the idea!
The latest update is that Luis has up the ante. He will not charge Dave a thing for the space. Just bring his stuff this weekend and start setting up and his first and only student until he feels otherwise, will be his nephew who is a 14 year old pitcher already throwing 90 mph. His mechanics are not stable and Luis being a “movement” guy wants Dave to work with him. So Dave called our son and he will come up this weekend and begin to help him move and set up his stuff. He sounded actually excited and relieved. He can just let it takes its course.
Karen, as always, thank you. You are continually thoughtful and encouraging. Like an old friend you can share anything with, and know you will find support, encouragement and wisdom. I think Dave would totally sympathize with Hugh. I know another MM patient who had an unnecessary knee replacement because the surgeon didn’t look up the x-ray and she snapped her femur turning over in bed one night. The description from her husband, an experienced EMT, was horrific.
We took mini vacations at first. Just a couple of days here and there. It took awhile to feel “safe”. They were simple and we throughly enjoyed them. It gave us confidence.
As far as a trainer goes… send me an private email of your areas and I will ask Luis, just in case you want to venture down that road. He knows all the good ones across the country. I consider it similar to my post on Asking for Help and Allowing it. Dave and I could have easily done it on our own 10 years ago, but not now. We were too entrenched in the muck! Up to our necks! We needed someone who cared, understood, and wanted the challenge to help us dig out, and of course knowledgeable. I took a friend to meet with him today and she has a lot of health issues. When we left I asked her if she felt more hopeful? She said that she really did and that Luis was confident he could get her to a place where she was off a lot of her medications. I felt so relieved. I think we can make the best of whatever our situation is, but sometimes we can do even better with the right kind of help and guidance. But look how long it took to get us there. Dave could have done this two years ago, but emotionally? He just wasn’t ready. I have learned patience in this journey in ways I never imagined I was capable.
dear lori,
such progress – for both of you! i can’t help thinking that some of dave’s reluctance and, at times, genuine fear early on may have something to do with the trauma suffered with broken bones, followed by the next trauma of an MM diagnoses. now he’s got you and luis – and even better, HIMSELF, to work through it, with such great support and encouragement and with the safety net of gradually taking on more with professional supervision and reassurance. i can hear how proud of him you are. and it gives me hope that someday hugh will be able to be released from the fear and flash backs he deals with every day since his femur snapped in half. physical therapy is helping, but i can see from your’s and dave’s story that he will need more help after gaining muscle mass back, and conquering the pain to feel safe and capable not just in activities of daily living, but also with setting goals that are exciting and FUN to look forward to. i had a little chuckle about how desperate we sometimes feel to be able to travel again, along with all the problems of just getting through all the walking in airports, lugging baggage, et. al. i just started radiation so until i finish at the end of august, a real vacation seems a distant fantasy at times. i asked hugh if we could hire a personal trainer to travel with us?! that goal sounded exciting and fun to me, but hugh just rolled his eyes. sigh. guess i will have to work harder and takes my cues from you – clearly, it takes time to find our way to getting this part of life back on track; and clearly, it takes a “village” to make some dreams a reality. you and dave have found the time that is right to move forward as well as your own village to help you succeed, and all is falling into place. and i know that we can do that, too. i will align myself with you on your postulate for dave, and be here for you to cheer you both on.
and kevin, when hugh is ready and able within himself to move forward with whatever goal he chooses, i will remind him of what you said about these kinds of triumphs as being a one finger salute to cancer – he will LOVE that! i wish you all the best in finding your own do-able passion that satisfies you and helps you feel your own personal triumph over &%#@’ing cancer. keep us posted – we will be more than happy to join you in that “salute” in solidarity with your success.
Lori,
I can understand some of Dave’s reluctance. One of the concessions I’ve given up is coaching soccer, which I really enjoyed doing and went at it with a passion, similar to how it sounds Dave is with pitching. I coached for quite a few years and like to think I was pretty good at it (e.g., picked up an 0-8 team for the club I coached with and in one season went to 6-2-1). However, the following winter was when I was diagnosed I had to quit before the spring season due to treatment. The team ended up 1-7 and I heard from many of the players how much they missed me, and particularly the way I coached. I’ve been tempted to coach again, but with the uncertainty of when I could relapse, don’t want to put a team through that again. In Dave’s case it sounds like it may not be as much an issue since he appears to do more individualized training as opposed to being tied up with a team. If he enjoys it that much, I sure hope he can pull it off and goes for it – those are the type of triumphs over our disease that can be really reqarding – I like to consider it as giving cancer the one finger salute. Take care.