One of the more difficult things to address when your loved one is being treated for MM, is food intake. Their taste buds are altered from the chemotherapy, their sense of smell is changed, they’re scared, they’re nauseous, they’re in pain, they’re constipated, they have diarrhea, any and all of these things could be going on. What do you do? How do you cope? How do you get nutrition into them and keep it down?
First of all, calm down, relax, take a deep breath and begin to think outside the box, as they say. Be creative and talk to them about it in a way that solicits ideas and real help. LISTEN, don’t criticize.
Dave was a terrible eater. What I mean by that is, he was on the road a lot, and rarely made it home in time for dinner. He skipped breakfast and often lunch. He would come in the house and grab whatever he could quickly. Often we were gone when he got home, running from one activity or the other. I had, over the years, gotten quite tired of trying to get him to come home for dinner, or eat better, I gave up. He was on his own. It was just too upsetting and way too frustrating for me – it was a lose/lose situation. We fought about it a lot over the years. So when he got sick, we were both thrust into a situation surrounding food that neither of us were prepared for. I knew how to cook well, but cooking for kids and cooking for Dave are not always the same thing. I was out of practice. I’ve blogged about some of these struggles earlier in Eat (?) Sleep (!) Eat (?) Sleep (!).
One of the things that I did, was to drastically reduce the portions I would normally give him or any adult eating dinner with us. Food overwhelmed him (and it was overwhelming me too!). So I gave him child size portions of everything, and even less than that sometimes. Instead of cutting up a whole apple with some cheese, it would be two pieces of apple with two pieces of cheese. Instead of a bowl of soup, it would be a mug of soup, a lunch/salad plate instead of a dinner plate, that sort of thing. This allowed him to:
1) not be overwhelmed by the amount of food presented
2) feel successful if he was able to eat half or all of it
3) allow me to have a better sense of his appetite increasing or decreasing.
It was always exciting if he asked for more!
I am really gaining a lot of insight and knowledge from this website, thank you so much Lori and to everyone who contributes! My husband was diagnosed with MM in the summer of 2009. Most recently we are on a bit of a roller coaster regarding his light chain readings, and I’d love to get this group’s feedback as to whether they’ve seen any correleation between eating habits/nutrition and light chain readings.
Thanks Much!
Jen Walker
jen.walker@vbbn.com
Susie, thank you so much for that! You have added some great advice in terms of viewpoint and communication!
Great post here and full of wise advice. Being a good carer is also trying hard to be ‘in tune’ with your patient. A little chat before lunch or dinner can often give you great insight into how your patient feels right at that moment. Discussing how their appitite is, rather than describing what is to be served ! I never fill our plates either these days, preferring to add more from serving dishes as we go. Having also found that several small tasty portions of different types of foods are much preferred than one or two larger portions.
Aromas from the kitchen can be very bothersome in smaller houses, especially to Chemo patients, but trying to keep cooking smells away from the patient is really important I feel.
A quiet calm and relaxed atmostphere when very poorly is so much better for some but not for others, so knowing your patient wishes is paramount. Thus trial and error comes in to play and never being upset when meals are not managed. “Tomorrow is another day”
I couldn’t agree with you more Sandy! I have some old china from my grandmother’s day, and the size of the dinner plate in comparison to now is astonishing isn’t it? We always pull them out for events, like Thanksgiving and you can’t fit everything on the plate, (which is a good thing for me!).
What a lovely and simple solution!! I think portions are too large in most cases, even when not dealing with illness… great delivery!