Riding The Wave – Multiple Myeloma

“Just as a puppy can be more of a challenge than a gift, so too can the holidays.” – John Clayton

The holidays can be both joyful and stressful.

When Dave and I were in Arkansas for the beginnings of his Tandem SCTs protocol… from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, it could have been a pity party. Not being at home or with family during those milestone annual gatherings we so enjoy. But Dave and I knew that our experience was defined by our point of view. We viewed our 2008 holiday experience in Arkansas as a blessing. A blessing that he was alive, stable, and able to receive a treatment that would hopefully give us back something that resembled our life. I often say that it was a bit of an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and begin anew. That we didn’t have to take back everything in our life. We could be selective. We have done that, and continue to feel blessed that the opportunity to use the holidays to receive his treatment afforded him a lot of down time to rest and deal with the ravages of chemotherapy, while being able to maintain his job responsibilities.

Our children, who were in college, flew into Arkansas to spend the holiday with us in our tiny apartment. It wasn’t easy for them. I had only a few decorations I had managed to pack in the car, but they were recognizable and ours. Dave wasn’t feeling so good and spent most of it in bed sleeping. My daughter says that the best part of that was the night before they left, when Dave felt well enough to get out of bed and they had a rousing card game at the kitchen table. Hurling insults and bolstering confidence at one another with peels of laughter. It was actually a “relief” to the children. It felt like their father.

We had a small dinner I had ordered online from Omaha Steaks. Not our traditional holiday splendor, but we were together, it was special. In many ways, for me, it is one of the more memorable holiday gatherings. Just the four of us, together. No family, guests, days of decorating and cooking, stress from the usual baggage of family interpersonal strife.

I have learned over the years that all families have these dysfunctional moments during the holidays that often seem to threaten the hope and idea of the splendor of the season. I have also learned that how I allow that to effect my experience is indeed up to me and in fact everyone involved. It is not unique that folks often get sick over the holidays with colds, headaches, etc. Heightened expectations, often unrealistic, can add to the disappointment that can sometimes come during the holidays.

Dave and I have really grown a lot through our MM experience. We really don’t care anymore about all that. We truly enjoy that we are still here together, enjoying our children, friends, and extended family.

Be kind to yourselves. Find something you can enjoy with each and every encounter. If it feels out of your control, take a walk, have a drink, offer to help, play a game, but have fun and enjoy the spirit of giving and receiving, not so much of things, but of each other’s time. If you are in treatment… consider that this holiday you are being a given a tremendous gift, one that will hopefully allow you to enjoy many more holidays and events in your life in the future.

My postulate for 2012, is continued breakthroughs in treating MM. That our quality of life continues to expand, maybe not in the way it was, but in new ways that we appreciate and embrace. It has been a personal whirlwind year for me and I feel so enriched to be looking forward with all the possibilities. Where ever you are in your MM experience, enjoy your family and friends, whatever their “gifts” are, not necessarily what you think they should be. Teach them through your own difficulties, the joys of living. I know, whether you know it or not,

YOU are truly an inspiration to others.

They don’t know how to tell you, most likely, but you are.

I have many backed up blog posts to do. I’ve been a crazy traveler and swamped with producing gifts for the holidays from my weaving. But right now, this moment, I’m holed up in Florida at my loving “out-laws” watching Dave’s mother cluck over him and laughing. Our children are coming in and a few other relatives and friends. We are happy. 

I have reflected a lot on the events of this year and indeed our life. Many of my MM friends who have lost their spouse or those I knew. I am grateful to have known them and their uniqueness. My “Myeloma Blessings,” as Jan Bertsche calls them… her husband Bruce having been one of my favorite myeloma blessings.

Tags: holidays