CB #23
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Dave slept and slept after our trip out to see the house. I was a little concerned he would have trouble sleeping in the night, but he didn’t. It was really good for him to be able to rest so thoroughly.
Our wonderful friend Mari sent Dave some of her killer cookies in the mail yesterday! YUM!!
My phone battery will barely hold a charge anymore, sigh, another thing to handle.
Got the Washer/Dryer ordered. That’s done.
Today I need to boot Dave out of the guest room for a while so I can clean it up and get my stuff packed. It looks like a bomb went off in a rag factory (as my grandmother used to say!). I’m anxious to get home and take care of stuff, but I’m wanting to stay and keep Dave moving forward toward restored health. It is difficult, but we will get through and things are in place to keep Dave moving forward. A BIG part of that is all the wonderful good wishes and messages along with other support that those who are physically close enough to us can offer. Its amazing how folks will rally around and do what they can to lend a hand. I couldn’t do this nearly as well without all the support. It touches me deeply.
Dave continued to be frustrated that I was leaving. We have these conversations and I think he understands and everything is set and then bam! These moments of mild hysteria are sometimes, how should I say it… inconvenient. I feel incredible stress and overwhelm at times. I’m just running on pure adrenaline. Don’t give me anymore to think about, to talk about, and for god’s sake – to do! Dave is having trouble focusing with the pain and the drugs. Then he has pockets and moments of overwhelming dread and fear and worry. Sometimes we are better at reading each other than other times. The onus is mostly on me to do this now. He’s not really equipped at the moment to look beyond himself and help me. Every so often he will want a clarification on something that I thought was resolved and I have to fight my own confusion on that and restate everything, without anger or frustration or making him wrong, just state it again calmly and directly. Answer his questions, explain the sequence necessary. I don’t think he really understands that I don’t want to leave, but we need to keep everything moving so that I can be with him and help him in his journey to get well. I don’t know what else to do or how else to BE.
Breathe… breathe…
