“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” – Unknown
I was having a tough morning, waking up with the realization that my beloved Kip is gone. No more perky head popping up to greet me when my feet roll out of bed. No more downward dog stretches in the morning before I start my day. He would do them with me and his were always perfect. He would be done and bury his head under my chest, between my arms, and lick me as if to say, “Nice job. Needs work, but you are getting better. Come on now, let’s go get breakfast!”
Then I saw that Dianne West had a new entry on her Myeloma Widow’s Journey Blog. So in my melancholy state, I ventured over to see what she’s got going on, as I often do. Partly to be supportive, partly because I genuinely care how she is doing, and partly because I learn from her strength and courage, threaded with real, understandable pain and sorrow. Mostly, I have grown as a person, wife and caregiver, as she chronicles her journey in life, after the loss of her beloved Vern, from Multiple Myeloma.
Then there is Susie Hemingway, A Power Within, one of the early MM caregiving giants to blog on the world wide web. Susie started her blog while her beloved, Hamada, was still with us. Writing love poems to him in her effort to make sense of how their life was changing. To find a place to put her feelings and thoughts to continue to have the strength to give her wonderful man. To always give her sunny smile, each and every day during his treatment, his hope, disappointments and realizations of what was to come.
I only know these two online. And I bring them up (they are on my blogroll) as some of you might wonder, why you would ever want to be readers of those who have struggled so, and lost their loved ones to this horrible disease? I will tell you that they offer me just as much inspiration, hope and courage as someone who is still kicking around with MM! They help me to keep things in perspective and understand, that while it will be difficult to lose my husband, perhaps to MM somewhere down the line. If I do, just like a MM initial diagnosis, there are those who have traveled this road, up ahead. Those who will reach back for me, should I find myself where they have already traveled. Lift me up from my grief, carry me if they have to, to move me forward. I take great solace in knowing they will be there for me, as they are now. I am not alone.
Susie & Dianne offer a glimpse of what it is to move forward, to grieve, to love, to live, to honor. There are sad moments and musings on their blogs from time to time, but it is a small price to pay to gain the inspiration and hope these two amazing women bring to Myelomaville. They are moving forward and yet, they continue to stay connected and contributing to our difficulties and journey in MM. They could have moved on completely, and who would blame them if they had? But they didn’t. They have found a way to continue to participate in our world and find their footing in a new life that they never needed, wanted, or wished for. They have balanced what they are doing in their first year of grieving their loss, and staying connected to so many of us who were reading, praying, hoping, and sharing in their disappointment and the realization that their fight was not going to turn out favorable for the one they loved.
It’s not depressing, which is the first thing you might assume. It is refreshing and brave. You will learn much from these two. I found myself taking great solace this morning with my loss of Kip. Granted, he’s not my husband and doesn’t have MM. He’s my dog. Naturally, to us, he was much, much more. Loss and grief are powerful emotions in our lives, and I was feeling very blue in the aftermath of helping him go yesterday. Coming home last night and realizing he wouldn’t be there to greet me. Waking up this morning and instinctively looking for him, much like I reached for the phone, time and time again to call my mother after she died. And then here is Dianne, unbeknownst to her, making a difference in MY LIFE today – again.
And Susie, gently and kindly, reminding me to “honor” my grief and allowing for the fact that it is powerful and difficult for me at this moment, despite the fact it is a four legged friend.
Thank you Susie and Dianne, for all that you continue to do for us.
Picking Flowers in The Rockies. Hudson & Kip on their travels to bring Kip west in our move after Dave's diagnosis in 2008. Kip made every outing seem like the most amazing and wonderful adventure. Nothing was ever mundane to him.
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison
Thanks for helping & teaching me how to Ride the Wave Kip.
Thank you. Today continued to be difficult, but less frequent episodes of spontaneous tears. A sign I am moving forward. I was at the dentist getting a cleaning after some gum surgery and it wasn’t painless. I like the hygienist, but suddenly as I was feeling discomfort and overcome with grief about Kip at the same time, I decided it was probably a good thing if she thought I was crying because it hurt so much. It was mean I know… but the alternative was to tell her I was crying because my dog died! I recounted this episode at The Yarn Shoppe this evening and had everyone rolling on the floor laughing. I’m getting there. Thank you ALL for your thoughtful and kind support. It means the world to me. I am not alone, and neither are you, in all things. Kip seems to be checking on me, still feeling him about the place.
Lori:
I am so very sorry to read that your Kip is gone. Just remember how lucky you were to have him and how lucky he was to have you and your family to love. I am sure you gave him a great dog’s life! Also know that what you are doing with your blog is incredibly important. You are a wonderful and insipiring writer.
🙂 very nice….thank you Lori
I’m sorry for your loss Lori. And I will definitely check out these ladies’ blogs. Thank you for sharing such personal parts of your journey.
Thanks Hanna. I completely agree. I did take a walk around the park last night. Cried about half way through it, but found some calm seeping in as I made the latter half.
My thoughts are with you Lori. Grief is an emotion that you should go through as it is important to your healing.
When you see that leash moving, please listen to Kip and perhaps go outside, take a stroll, and talk to him. Tell him about your day, ask him how things are.
hannaO
I don’t think you are nuts at all Sandy. Kip has definitely been hanging around. His leash moving on the hook (he used to nudge it to tell me it was time for his walk). The back of my couch bumped as it always did when he plopped behind it. It is comforting to know he’s trying to let me know he is here and he’s OK.
Thanks everyone. And Gigi, you should definitely check out Susie and Dianne. Good people.
Arghhhhh. The loss of a love is hard, whether human or animal. If we have a heart, then we feel grief. I once knew a fellow who was born without adrenal glands. He never got excited, never worried, never got angry. One day I asked him “How does that make you feel – that you don’t know what it is like to have the highs and lows like other people do?” I should have expected his calm, unemotional answer: “I cannot relate to that.”
All the wonderful photos to document the memories of your dear Kip will bring you comfort; friends and family will share stories. But the greatest comfort I had after a beloved pet had died suddenly was a visitation – don’t think I’m nuts – but my dog came back several times and I could feel her near me as if she was telling me, “I’m still watching out for you.” Perhaps if you need this reassuring energy it will manifest, or perhaps you are already strong enough to move on, keeping Kip in your heart.
It is true for me also. I have been able to face the challenges and shifts at the beginning of this MM journey thanks to this place where you share stories. I am grateful . I am proud of these wonderful women. I need to know their stories too.
Thanks for being able to express what many of us feel. I gain strength from those two ladies you named as well as many others ahead of me on this MM journey. I thank God daily for the many relationships I have made in the MM world.
Kip is at the Rainbow Bridge. He is healthy & happy….
Jodi
Lori – Such a great post, and what a tribute to both Dianne and Susie. I also read their blogs hoping to soak in some of the strength that they’ve shown…..knowing that I, too, may one day be walking in their footsteps.
Kip, even though four-legged, was as much a part of your family as anyone. I’m sorry for your loss, and your sadness. Maybe he’s now chasing butterflies, above.