“The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s hard to believe that we are winding down our journey here in Little Rock at UAMS, Myeloma Institute! From all appearances in our early testing, Dave’s Myeloma is in full retreat! When we come back for testing and follow-up in early February, we should have more definitive news. It’s all very exciting!
Dave didn’t feel like taking a broad sweeping road trip home as I was planning. But he did map out our journey home with some road traveling guidance from me. How many miles/hours per day to get from each city and location to the next. He does, however, want to stop at the Grand Canyon on his way back. He went as a child and has always wanted to go back. I’ve never been. That will be our big road trip event. Then we’ll decompress a couple of days in Las Vegas and rest up to make the most extended leg of our drive home to Sacramento.
I’ll start the task of packing up things and handing off perishable foods to friends I’ve made in the Apartment Complex. The wheel-chair takes up most of the real estate in the trunk, so I’m figuring out how I would like to manage that. The car is big, and roomie and I have some ideas. Speaking of the car, I’m sitting at McLarty Volkswagon as I’m writing, getting my free oil change. They will get “Thor” road-ready. Not that he needs much. It’s been delightful to see my buds here. I’ve enjoyed knowing them all and still revel in how well they cared for Dave and me during our healthcare crisis and being a part of solving our transportation issues in a difficult car market. 
This has been a unique and life-altering adventure. I’ve met so many wonderful and amazing people here on this trip. Having learned how to reach out for help from acquaintances and strangers has made all the difference. It has taught me a lot, or perhaps it has been affirming. I’ve always known that people love to help. I love to help. It’s somewhat innate. But those of us who “help others” don’t always know how to ask for or accept help. It can be challenging, and yet it shouldn’t be. Just because we are able, independent people doesn’t mean a helping hand isn’t welcome from time to time. It’s an exchange. When you’ve been flowing in one direction most of your life helping others, it’s not always an easy thing to receive it. I urge you to try. I’ve learned that if I don’t ask for the help I need, I will get the help I don’t need, even though well-meaning. Being “allowing” others to bring a meal, pick up something, sit with you, or do much more, can be immensely rewarding in ways I never considered.
I learned this with I was caring for my mother in her last months of life. It was daunting as I quit my job, put my daughter back in school (I was homeschooling her), and handed off my volunteer work for that summer to my friends. And still, I was isolated and alone, trying to manage many things in her care and other family dynamics. My friends and neighbors were all reaching out, and I realized that it was important for them to help my family and me. That it was unkind for me to turn them away continually. And I could use some help from the smallest of things, such as stopping at the grocery store on their way over and grabbing me some milk and other small grocery items, bringing a meal, and sitting with my mom while I ran out and did errands.
Many times I would get a call inviting me to do something. It was so hard to say no all the time. It frustrated me trying to find a way to thank them for the invitation while turning it down at the same time in a way that neither of us felt terrible. I finally found my way around that. As I would thank them and turn it down, I would always say, “Hey. Please don’t stop asking. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you include me, even though you know it’s a long shot. It helps me not to feel so isolated!” One thing that can happen with people when they are in a crisis is a “social death.” Out of respect, people will often back off, afraid they are intruding and not wanting to add to your stress. It’s one of those things we still seem to be working out as a society. It’s tough if you are far from family and relying on neighbors and friends. They often have much of their responsibilities to deal with too!
Husband’s travel, kids have activities and homework, and so on. It is not uncommon that the friends you thought would be there aren’t, and the ones you barely know are suddenly front and center lending strong support. My best advice is to go with it! New friendships are forged, and old friendships will often survive or not. It’s all ok. It’s not worth getting upset over. You have more important things to deal with. But always have grace and understanding, that things may not always be as they seem. Just stay focused on taking care of business and allowing those offering assistance to do just that. You’ll be better for it.
So as I’m sitting here in one of the first places I came for help to secure a car for us, I’m remembering all those whose paths I’ve crossed in our time here that lent a hand, had a fun conversation, offered guidance. It’s just been amazing and confirming that my fellow man is indeed good and decent. Turn off the news and get out in the world. Make contact!
Honestly, I’ll be sad to leave, but I’m also excited to get home and see my granddaughter. I’m not excited about what I expect to be three inches of dust in the house when I get home! I may have to hire someone to come in and help me get things sorted!
S. Lake Tahoe
I am looking forward to this adventure home, Dave feeling better, his leg getting stronger, and a trip up to Tahoe as soon as we can manage it. It always makes me feel better to get up the mountain and look at the beautiful blue lake. It’s a magical place with many childhood memories with my father skiing and new memories with my children and friends as an adult after being back east for so many years.
Thank you for taking this journey with us!
