“Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it.” – Plato
For those of you who made a wish for Dave on my behalf, thank you!
We met with Luis on Saturday for lunch. They talked non stop as if they had met before. Sports, athletic prowess, competitive nature, specifics of Dave and his disease. I ate my wonderful lunch, drank my microbrew beer and kept my ever yapping mouth shut… Unless of course Dave was presenting something differently than what I observed, which made for the usual comical marital stuff for Luis. 🙂
Anyway, toward the end of our leisurely lunch, Dave said, “So when can I start?”
They hammered it out quickly and we will begin July 7th. Two days a week only. Luis wants him to have 72 hours for recovery in between, with some very light physical homework on the off days. He will work with his traveling schedule and adjust his training as appropriate. I’m in charge of the food (which I have to do for myself anyway). He will do a full assessment of Dave on the first day with overall fitness and then lay out a protein/carbs/veg/water food plan/aspiration.
Dave is so ready that he just needed, like me, to find that someone who could take our hand and get us there. He gets spasms from the simplest of everyday chores. Luis will be able to work him through these things and talk him off the ledge. 🙂
Dave in December 2007, 6 months before diagnosis
Dave a couple of months ago
And then just for kicks!
Dave and I are the last two on the right. In our early 20’s. (click to enlarge)
“Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.” – Carol Welch
Luis is a “movement” guy. That’s what it’s all about with him. No matter what. He will work with Dave on movement. Then repeat and improve the movement. Then add stress to the movement. Then resistance to the movement. His goal is to get Dave back on the Racquetball Court and Golf Course, stably, confidently, and comfortably.
When I got home after lunch I went out on the front porch to read and have a refreshing drink in the middle of the California heat. And suddenly as I was texting our daughter, I began to get all teary eyed and emotional. It sort of came out of no where and I was like, “Whoa. OK. What’s this?” I realized that I had been suppressing the burden of Dave’s physical condition for a very long time. Feeling like a failure in my ability to get him to do something about it. Never mind that he has been working all through this, when many don’t. Never mind that he’s tired and still on chemo drugs. Never mind I don’t want to nag him and it’s not a vanity thing for me. I think bottom line – I was just plain worried and a little scared when I would see him get a muscle spasm from reaching up a little too far to change a lightbulb. I would feel his frustration. But I would also get angry that he wasn’t DOING anything about it.
Thank goodness our daughter, after having her own “in your face” conversations with her father, said, “Mom! Darn it. You need to do this too, so forget about Dad and just get to it! Besides, maybe you’ll inspire him.”
Out of the mouth of babes right? She was right on the money.
I feel as though the last piece of this journey in terms of intervention, is finally falling into place. I’m happy that I don’t have to do it and that Dave has agreed that he needs help from someone who has the willingness, knowledge and confront to take on someone who has been so severely altered physically.
So I will move the heating pad from my side of the bed to his. He will need it. 🙂 Continued good thoughts, wishes and prayers for him. 🙂 I’m sure I will be back into full on caregiving mode as he begins this endeavor and I’m ALL IN!
Thanks Karen. I’m getting so much better and faster at “spotting” emotions, reactions, and then where they are really coming from. It helps to put me more at cause instead of just reacting. I’m so proud of Dave I could bust. He’s a tad worried, but he’s committed. I’m positive Luis will get him over the hump and that Dave will trust him to do it. I hope it helps him with his fatigue as best it can given he’s still on oral Revlimid and weekly Velcade infusions. I can get through my workouts great now and not be crushed afterwards. 🙂 I feel so much better.
dear lori,
you and dave have made such breakthroughs, and on a lot of levels. i am very happy for you both; dave in capable hands with luis, on his way to a place where he can feel better and get back to enjoying things he loves; and you, with resolution of your feeling scared = anger and frustration, and now to blessed relief. gotta love those suddenly erupting tears – think of all the stress they helped you release, right?!
so much of our lives with MM involves the issues of never being on the same page with our partners. hugh gets tired more easily, and i am left alone while he naps and i’m still raring to go. then on other days, my high energy level is dissipated in the day-to-day chores i’m bushed, and i sleep in on some mornings when hugh is feeling chipper and wants to have an entire day being out and about. i know you can relate – with dave’s work/travel sched and ensuing fatigue and your new-found energy level with your work with luis – ye gads! – what challenges to ever feel we’ll be in sync.
as to the matter of feeling guilty about being angry – it’s just soooo hard. hard to be witness to what we see “could be” so much better “if only”. but you figured it out, and it helps me see that i’m not a critical nag, just frightened at times thinking of the consequences of whatever i’m stewing about, and being scared ALWAYS translates to anger for me, personally. i think it does for lots of us – but it’s very hard to see it. i end up feeling bad about myself – how can i be mad at someone who has gone through so much pain living with MM???
so hooray! i think this post will help a lot of other cg’s who struggle with these same highly emotionally charged issues that you wrote about so beautifully. it sure helped me – thank you, dear friend! give a thumbs up and a big hug to dave for me.
love and hugs,
karen