Riding The Wave – Multiple Myeloma

“Every day is a new chance to choose. Choose to change your perspective. Choose to flip the switch in your mind. Turn on the light and stop fretting about with insecurity and doubt. Choose to do your work and be free of distraction. Choose to see the best in someone, or choose to bring out the worst in them.” — Ishita Gupta

I’ve been having a very fulfilling and interesting couple of weeks. Much is going on in our life and it feels so “normal!”

Normal. Something we all wish we could get back to after our devastating encounter with Myeloma. We often realize we need to work toward a “New Normal.” I’ve noticed that some of us take heart in that, and some of us resent it.

I was thinking I would try to tackle our “point of view” about what a New Normal actually is and why it’s OK to strive toward it without feeling resentment. And for those of us who like the idea, to like it even more.

Looking at trends vs plots on the graph

If you look at statistics in business or some aspect of your life to determine how you are doing, you will notice a graph goes up, down, or is flat. Up is generally good, down is generally bad, and flat is actually considered a downward trend, so not good. Why? If you get the idea that nothing stays the same, then a flat graph would actually be a graph that is slightly trending downward because it’s not trending upward. While we use this in business to determine growth or lack thereof, we can also use in aspects of our life. Our marriage, our job performance, housework gone amok, exercise, relationships. We can statasize pretty much anything. Why would we do that? Well in our lives it might be connected to an emotional state of well-being or a lack of it. If we were depressed we would probably agree that it was a downward trending graph. How could we change it and get it so it was heading upward? If we weren’t exercising and we felt we should, doing something we begin to move the graph in an upward trend. When we’ve experienced a loss and we are in grief, moving up the stages of grief would be an upward trend toward a normal trending graph. If we have a windfall financially we could say we are in affluence with an upward spike that then drops back down to normal. If we were growing a business we would want a steady upward trend vs a wildly up and down graph. So what happens let’s say if you are trending upwards in to a sustained affluence? Well in order to keep your growth going that new level of sustained affluence would in fact become the new normal. In order to assess and evaluate what you are doing in your business to create growth you would have to do this. So the truth is “new normal” is a statistics term.

Now if we were to look at LIFE in this way, could we agree with the statement that “nothing stays the same?” I mean really, it just doesn’t. Despite the fact that Dave had a cancer diagnosis as we moved here, let’s take that disaster out of the equation for the sake of this discussion. We would be rebuilding our lives here, 3,000 miles away from our friends, family, and children… from all the things that were familiar to us. We were not in any kind of normal at all. It took time to learn the area, where to shop, make new friends, do new things. After a time we began to feel “normal.” Like we’d arrived and there was a comfort in our daily routine of life. Things got put away, found new places to be. A little new furniture here and there. A place for our favorite chair, etc. We began to feel settled in. This is now our new normal. The fact that Dave did have Myeloma only meant that it took longer for all these things to happen and then the physical, mental, and spiritual well being of a new normal was part of the mix. It just made it all more difficult, but the process was and is exactly the same. How to get the graph moving back into an upward trend. In some things it is back to normal. In some things it will never be. And in some ways it is actually better! In my “talks” that I give from time to time I share at the end how Dave says,

“He is taking his life back! And I remind him that we don’t have to take it ALL back!”

This is true for almost every cancer patient I have ever met. They want to get back to their horses, or the second home, or to see the grandkids regularly, go out to lunch with their friends, be able to vacuum without feeling exhausted. Some can and some are irrevocably changed. Consider our young men and women coming back from the wars in the Middle East. Whether they have been injured or not, their life is forever changed. They are more mature or perhaps they have lost limbs. They have to find a new “normal” in order to move forward in their lives in a way that brings them happiness, production, and morale. Our nation, and I daresay the world, is having to find a new normal. What with wealth loss, housing foreclosures, unemployment at high levels. Remember, my favorite quote through all of this:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain!” – Unknown

I hope this makes you feel a little better about this often stated comment about finding a new normal. On the bright side, you get to pick and choose what and who you wish to bring back into your life. I have the most amazing new friends as a result of this experience. In that, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Dave is happier than I have seen him since before we were married. Our children gained a maturity and independence quicker than they might have otherwise and I’m thrilled for them. Dave and I both laugh a lot more, fight less, and truly enjoy our time together. We made a conscious decision to accept what was handed us, planned for the worst, hoped for the best, and began to move in a forward direction with whatever we were able to do and take joy in the fact that we could instead of focusing on all that we can’t do as a result of his treatment.

So onto the MishMash stuff that you will probably see how it can all tie together:

Dave has had two visits with the trainer. On his second visit he worked his upper body and experienced the treaded and truly feared muscle spasm screaming down his back. I’m sure this reminds him of the compression fracture of his T8 vertebra that brought to our attention that he was not well. All the pain and uncertainty. Looking back at all the symptoms he didn’t recognize as anything needing attention. His stable datums if you will, were shot on his perception of his body and it’s health. Luis did what he does so well. He managed the spasm for Dave and got Dave back to the workout. Dave was pretty blown away. According to Luis (at my training session this morning) Dave was “yukking it up” with the guys. I looked at him wide-eyed and said, “Wait! Dave doesn’t yuk it up!” Luis said, “Yeah, well he was here yesterday. He also told me when we were done, ‘ I can do this.'” I turned to my workout partner and said, “I think I’m going to cry,” as I wiped away the moisture in my eyes. Dave’s “hope factor” pretty much hit the top when I spoke to him last night when he got home.

Recently, we totally impulse bought a new car! Well it’s not new, it’s a four year old VW EOS Convertible with 40K miles on it. Since I moved here I wanted what I call a California Car. A cool little convertible. Something to run around in. I wanted to show Dave this car when we were dropping off my 2001 VW Passat for an oil change and A/C check. I had never sat in one and we did, and I thanked the salesman with, “Thank you. It’s beautiful. But I don’t buy new cars.” With that the salesman said, “Oh, we just got a used one in today. See it there in the garage? They’re giving it the once over.” I moaned. We have the Passat and a Corolla Dave bought when he got here to save on gas. I love Toyotas, but I don’t love the Corolla. It’s uncomfortable for me. Dave is always taking my Passat when he has to pick up important colleagues at the airport or take a business trip in the car of some distance. I usually quip, “What’s wrong with the Executive Corolla?” So we went to lunch and I said, “Hey! Why don’t we trade in the Corolla and keep the Passat?” So we did. I just couldn’t believe it. So Dave now is driving his executive Passat and I’m driving the cool California Car! It has been a blast and we have had more fun making the changes and taking ownership of our vehicles and making them ours. Dave went and got the Passat all detailed and a bunch of little things fixed in it. It looks amazing. I’ve been getting mine all set up for me, buying visors, hair clips and rubber bands in case I have some girlfriends who want to ride in the car. And then of course buying my cool windscreen from ebay.

I haven’t been doing much weaving of late, but I’m moving back to it now, finally. I had a couple of trips and other things I was enjoying spending my time on and now I’m feeling very anxious to get my studio picked up and back at it. I have been knitting a lot.

Our daughter’s very secure apt was broken into last week, on the 4th of July. Her macbook was stolen along with her back up drive so her 14,000 photos are all gone. Her roommate’s computer was also stolen and they tried to steal the big screen TV. They came through the window on the ground floor out back of her building. It was fairly devastating and then all the emotions of feeling very violated. The following day she said she wasn’t going to try to figure out why because she would drive herself crazy, but that she hoped that if the person did it because they were in trouble and needed money, well, she hoped it helped. So, needless to say, I was pretty proud of my 23 year old moving into a forgiveness state of mind in less than day. I don’t think I could have done that at 23. Bottom line, no one was hurt, stuff can be replaced.

Our son Hudson went to Jamaica for a friends wedding and had an amazing time. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks so I will look forward to seeing him soon. He loves living in California.

Montana was asked to go to Hong Kong for a year for her job. After much thought she opted not to go and instead is applying for a position with her company in the Big Apple. She’s very happy with what she is doing for them now, but this would be a wonderful challenge for her that she would like to give a try. The exec said, smiling widely, that he was not going to give her preferential treatment. She would have to compete for the job. She mildly smiled back and said, “Bring it on!” 🙂 Once a competitive athlete, always competitive. 🙂

I’m still taking care of two felines for Shari who is embarking on her stem cell transplant shortly at Stanford. They have been a joy to have around and I will miss them when they go home at some point.

Life is ever changing. An adventure. Joyful. Surprising. Full. I hope yours is as well.

Tags: MishMash10, New Normal, Normal